Playing with leeches all day can make a biker hungry. Reaching Kilmarnock, I stopped for some supper at Smokin' Joes (smokinjoesbarbeque.com), met a crew of hippies, and shared my quest for freedom with them. They asked me where I slept, and like a true road warrior I said, "Wherever." The mother hen, Carol, invited me to her teepee, where, like a true wussy, I had an asthma attack due to the extreme mildew. There was a guy with dreads, a fat kid, and one of Carol's sons, who rocked out on the guitar. The fat kid beat a hippy drum forever; he wasn't very good. Carol is a kind soul who chooses to live off the grid. We all smoked the peace pipe in the teepee, and then I slept outside on the ground watching the stars. If it weren't for having to whip out my inhaler, instead of a much cooler leech, to cure my ailment, I'd say freedom was found.
Architect Robert Mills designed the Washington Monument to mimic a ray of sunlight because Washington's leadership was viewed as a guiding light. But people said the design looked more like a giant phallus and were annoyed that it was void of decoration. Understandably, I'd like my penis to be more ornate, too. It is basically an Egyptian obelisk--a tall, narrow, four-sided monument ending in a pyramid (the monument, not my penis). Funds for the monument came from public donations, and when the coinage ran out and the Civil War intervened, it sat as an incomplete stump for more than a decade (the monument, not my penis.) When construction resumed, the builders used a new stone, which accounts for its dual colors. (Again, the monument, not my penis). Some people also believe the memorial is directly connected and designed for the Freemasons, of which President Washington was a known member.
The United States was formed once she had 13 colonies. The dollar bill has 13 leaves on the branches, 13 bars and stripes, 13 arrows, 13 letters in `E Pluribus Unum,' 13 stars in the green crest above the 13 stones, or layers, in the pyramid, and 13 letters in `Annuit Coeptis.' Coincidentally, 13 is the age when I lost my virginity, if solo sex counts. The total cost of the Washington Monument was reported to be $1,300,000 and its capstone weighs exactly 3,300 pounds. The Monument has eight windows, and together they total 39 square feet in size. The number 39 is very sacred because it is formed by multiplying 3 and 13. Do you see a pattern here?
There is much to see on the first leg of the journey. This guide is not meant to hold your hand throughout your journey. Find new stuff. Go explore.
National Museum of Health and Medicine: (nmhm.washingtondc.museum), holds a nice chunk of Abraham Lincoln's skull.
DC Rollergirls: With Liberty and Justice to Brawl (dcrollergirls.com).
* Rienzi the stuffed horse at the Smithsonian.
* You can donate your old bongs to the DEA Museum (deamuseum.org), but I wouldn't recommend it.
Alfonso: Moms never get enough credit. While visiting the birthplace of Washington's Mom, call your mommy and tell her you love her.
Fredericksburg: The arm of Stonewall Jackson minus the rest of his body lays under a lone tombstone.
Old Fredericksburg: Mind your P's and Q's (pints and quarts) while hanging out with the Rising Sun Tavern and they just might teach you the etymology of other phrases such as "drink like a fish" and "bottoms up."
* It is highly suggested that you spend the time to wander through Old Fredericksburg and see other curiosities such as the Masonic Cemetery, Slave Auction Block, and more.
A bit off the beaten track is the World's Largest Rubber Band Ball (recordball.com) in the front window of Sloans & Kenyon Auctioneers and Appraisers in Chevy Chase, Maryland.